I don’t remember the day I turned invisible.
I think it happened slowly, gradually,
Fading from bright
Or maybe more in stages - maybe that’s more how it was.
Beginning as myself, with views and thoughts and friends and those who cared.
Then one day it began to change, not sure why or when…
All I know is that the chameleon in me emerged,
My views less important now.
What mattered now was not standing out,
absorbing the colours of those around me
until I couldnt remember which colour was
Still visible to others - but as a reflection of themselves.
Words swallowed in my throat in case they weren’t those of the group
In case I made them drift away
By saying the wrong thing.
It happened to me before, younger then, my shape not formed.
I think it happens to us all.
Why it happened once again I’ll never know.
If it had stopped there I think I might have coped,
I might have found a way back,
I might not have got lost.
The lizard changing colour changed again.
This time moving from the group, moving to the edge,
Adapting to the walls instead of those who spoke,
Shades of grey and beige and brown, still there
But harder now to see.
Only those who really looked would notice I was there.
I think that’s how I liked it at the time.
Not a fan even of myself.
But then one day I looked, and I was gone.
Eyes that used to see me now slide past without a glance,
Moving onwards, without me.
I’ve gone too far, and disappeared.
No colour now,
I thought invisible was good.
But now I would give anything to get back what I was.
To look in the mirror and see anything
Worth looking at.